When you shake his hand, the poison will be absorbed into his skin where it metabolizes
for a 12 hour period.
Nobody will have any idea that you were involved.
Riiiiiiise and shine mothafuckas!
I am your host the Stimulator, and this is The Fuckin News.
I’m a father.
I’m a veteran.
And I’m an anarchist.
Those are three people you don’t wanna piss off.
Who the fuck are y’all to justify letting people die in the streets with your policies,
your laws and your legislation?
The people you are after are the people you depend on.
Eventually this shit’s gonna stop.
Because when it’s our turn, we won’t make excuses for the terror.
Do not fuck with us.
Last weekend, capos from the 7 Gangsters of the Industrialized world met at the picturesque
fucking Manoir Richelieu in the region of Charlevoix, Quebec.
Oh... bien merci.
Tabarnak.
Despite a shit-ton of hype
Authorities very much want to avoid a scene like this.
The 2001 Summit of the Americas in Quebec City.
... the muthafuckin resistance to this spectacle of multilateral state power was pretty fuckin chill,
with small demos taking place in nearby Quebec City, and a brief attempt made to blockade
a highway connecting the city to the remote fuckin castle where the summit was taking place.
I’ve said it before, but when are peeps gonna realize that summit hopping is fuckin dead?
Yeah well.... you say a lot of shit.
Fuck you Stim.
Anyway... despite the acute fucking lack of riots, the weekend was still full of drama, as it
took place within the shadow of a looming trade war.
Yup.... to the shock of his free-market capitalist homies, the Orange One kicked things off by
letting muthafuckas know that he was gonna impose stiff tariffs on imported steel and
aluminum, leading liberal economists to compare them to the nationalist trade policies of
the Great Depression, and forcing the other six gangstas to talk some major fucking shit.
What kind of schwine-sheize is this, you two-bit, spray-tanned fuck?
Do you even know how the game works?
You do realize that German corporations own steel factories in the US, ja?
How about you put down your fuckin phone, get off twitter for a minute and come at me,
Arschbot.
I will fucking end you.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuut rather than accept Merkel’s stone-faced challenge to a back-alley, bare-knuckle
brawl, the Orange One decided to opt for an easier target.
We’re polite, we’re reasonable... but we also will not be pushed around.
Yuuup, after an improbable year-long bromance between Trump and Klanada’s pretty-boy PM,
Justin Trudeau....
The Donald came out to the G7 swingin’
Like a shitty fuckin reality TV show starring the heads of two colonial, imperialist states,
this exchange seems to have been carefully scripted, in an effort to rile up Trump’s
nativist base.
Predictably, it’s also whipped up a wave of smug, nationalist support for JT up here
in Klanada, while guilting a number of so-called “progressive” Americans into taking to
social media to thank their neighbour to the north for being so chill.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut as fuckin weird as that shit was, turns out it was only a warm-up to the
main event.
After dipping out early from the Gangsta’s paradise, on Tuesday WWE hall-of-famer Donald J Trump
met with North Korea’s totalitarian cult leader, Kim Jong Un, in one of the most
surreal fuckin examples of political theatre of all time.
Two men.
Two leaders.
One destiny.
Whoever made this was high.
Now… if I can be real with y’all for a sec, as a mothafuckin anarchist, there’s
lots to be deeply cynical about what went down at this meeting in Singapore.
No shit.
Both the Orange One and the DPRK’s Dear Leader are thin-skinned, sociopathic man-babies
presiding over hyper-militarized societies containing massive fucking concentration camps…
and six months ago they were threatening the world with a nuclear apocalypse
over fuckin Twitter.
And yet... with the deranged showmanship of a coke-addled HBO executive
promoting a UFC title bout,
they somehow joined forces to produce a spectacle so intensely fucking weird, cringeworthy,
and geopolitically significant that it brought Dennis fucking Rodman to tears.
Today is a great day for everybody!
Singapore...
Tokyo...
China... everything.
It’s a great day!
- It is a great day! - And I’m here to see it!
- This is an historic day... -I’m so happy.
And Rodman isn’t just getting emo for no reason.
He had a deep personal vested interest in this, since he’s homies with both these
psycho fucks, and apparently helped set the groundwork... for the meeting?
So basically I got a lot of people together.
I got potcoin here helping me out – my sponsor.
Thanks to those guys.
And uh... it happened.
So just to recap…
Dennis fucking Rodman was sponsored to travel to North Korea by an off-brand bitcoin set
up to buy weed on the Internet, and may have delayed a nuclear war on the Korean Peninsula
long enough for Donald fucking Trump and Kim Jong Un to win a nobel fucking peace prize.
And that’s all the fuckin news for today.
As always, don’t forget to support my ass at sub.media/donate or buy a t-shirt or a
coffee mug with my face on it or our brand new bolt cutter shirt at sub.media/gear
and remember to follow me on all your mass surveillance and mind control platforms.
Just search for Stimulator.
Hasta la pasta companerax!