I pledge alegiance to Adolf Hitler I pledge alegiance to Adolf Hitler!
Hey what's goin' on?
Ah those bums won their court case, so they're marching today.
What bums?
The fuckin' Nazi party.
Illinois Nazis.
I hate Illinois Nazis.
Rise and shine muthafuckas!
I am your host the Stimulator and this is the Fuckin News.
You mother fuckers?
I was here March 4th, April 15th, April 27th.
We ran your stupid asses out of the FUCKIN Berkley!
Nazis, I hate these guys.
As many of you motherfuckers know,
this lumpy cock-tumor to my right was turned into a bit of a D-list celebrity
by the scum-sucking corporate media,
who found his clean-cut, Brooks Brothers brand of fascism so interesting
that they gave him a massive fuckin platform to spew his retro-dystopian dreams
of a whitey white world.
...indivisible, with liberty and justice for all
... white people
Oh, and because of this.
We've entered this new world where the leftist protesters...
So, since we don’t want to give this human punching bag
the further honor of gracing The Fuckin News,
he will now be known as Dick Sphincter, and his face will never appear on screen
- except in the way you see it now.
Ahhh, AHHH! What is wrong with you?!
Oh my god! Oh that is disgusting!
So unless you’ve been trapped in an elevator all week with no bars,
you know that Rich….
We do not speak his name.
Sorry, Dick Sphincter spoke at Michigan State University this past Monday,
after his litigious fanboy-turned-booking-agent, Cameron Padgett,
sued MSU on free speech grounds.
MSU begrudgingly agreed to allow Mr. Sphincter to speak,
but only if he did so about a mile away from the main campus,
on the university’s pavilion for livestock education,
a place known to host all sorts of bullshit.
Alright, be an asshole.
Yeah yeah, I know that fucking sucked.
Anyway... attendance to the event was around what you might expect
at a Louisville, Kentucky stop of a Jonas Brothers’ reunion tour.
Our guys are not here because of chaos outside.
Sure... the old “no one came to my talk because there was an antifa riot” excuse!
Buuuuut even with all the months of preparation, and all the money these fuckers seem to have,
this is the best security team that the young Anus Hisser could come up with?
incoherent screaming
Anywho, to get to the bottom of this failure, I decided to talk Madd Hind Legs,
founding member of the TWP, or the Turd Wankers Party
Hey Madd, how the fuck are ya?
All of us are fine.
Didn’t see you fuckers on the periscope stream.
If you were there to support your buddy, why weren’t you in the livestock pavilion?
The Nationalists, will not be cowed.
Even though you come from different fashie crews, y’all seem to be pretty fucking tight.
I saw that when shit was popping off, that prepubescent nazi to your left
with the wack hand tats was passionately hugging a member of the National Pedophile Institute
to protect him from antifa.
Buuuuuuuuuut pretty soon that same dapper NPI was running for protection behind police lines.
...sideline! Touchdown!! Unbelieveable!!!
What the fuck happened?
The radical left, as usual, sigh as always, decided to attack us, very very effectively.
So based on this latest set-back, y’all have any plans to call it quits any time soon?
Our march to victory is one that will continue until we get total victory, over you...
over your Jewish paymasters.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuut as it turns out, our so-called “Jewish paymasters” are a bit tapped out
funding the whole deep state Russia-hoax these days.
So for information on how to help support the bail fund of homies who were arrested at this action,
look for a link in the description below the video.
We've seen this beautiful gentrification and a whole bunch of small businesses popping up
and the 'entrepreneurial spirit' and the artists coming back to Hamilton.
And in other fuckin news, on Saturday night in Hamilton, Ontario,
a swarm of black-clad shit-disturbers rampaged through a bougie shopping district,
smashing up a bunch of yuppie businesses and scaring the grey poupon out of their upscale patrons.
It's just like, terrible! And you know I just wonder,
w-wu-what are they thinking?
Police estimate the damage could be anywhere around one hundred thousand dollars.
One of the worst hit was a local artisanal donut shoppe.
And it wasn’t just the pigs who were upset
about having to settle for regular Boston Creams for the next little bit.
Andrea Horvath, the leader of the feckless Ontario NDP opposition,
tweeted out during the fracas that she was ‘extremely concerned’
and suggested designating this upcoming Saturday as a day for local residents
to celebrate their love of the area … by shopping there!
And I encourage you all to go shopping more.
Buuuuuuuuuuut yuppie entrepreneurs and so-called “progressive” politicians
are not alone in trying to almond-milk this situation.
Far-right groups, including the Proud Boys and the Canadian Combat Coalition, have
also announced plans to hold a so-called “Patriot Walk” on the vandalism-stricken promenade.
Maybe after a hard day of shouting about Antifa...
loud peacock noises
and the dangers of sharia law, they can grab some organic butterscotch scones with their new buds.
♫ Me and you, and you and me...
no matter how they toss the dice, it had to be,
the only one for me is you and you for me,
so happy together! ♫
Locke Street has everything. I'll see you at the festival.
You don't even know what side you're fighting for.
Both groups have come together
over their hatred of local Anarchist social center,
the Tower, which has been facing a deluge of online threats,
and several physical attacks on the space,
including this one, which took place on Wednesday and trashed their radical library.
Buuuuuuuuut peeps at the Tower are holding strong,
and have announced plans to fix up and fortify the building.
I can say from personal experience that this is one of the best radical social centers in Klanada,
so if you have some extra skrillah, please show them some love
by helping with renovation costs at:
And that’s all the Fucking News for this week.
I’ll be taking a couple of weeks off,
as those fuckers at subMedia work on the next Trouble.
In the meantime, don’t forget to support my raging taco habit at:
and check me out on all your favourite corporate brainwashing and mass surveillance platforms.
Just search for “Stimulator”.
Hasta La Pasta Companerxs!